Phần 3: Tính thống nhất và mạch lạc của bài thi Viết

Trong bài học này chúng ta sẽ tìm hiểu về tính thống nhất – tức là sự hợp lý về mặt ý tưởng trong từng đoạn, từng câu xét trong tổng thể chung của toàn bài; và tính mạch lạc - tức là việc vận dụng ngôn ngữ một cách có tổ chức, giúp các câu nối tiếp nhau một cách hợp lí, trôi chảy. Đây chính là những tiêu chuẩn để đánh giá bài thi Viết.

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1) Clip 1: Coherence and Cohesion in Writing 

2) Clip 2: Vocabulary Exercise

3) Printable Documents

     a) Notes for Study

IELTS Tip

Organise your ideas into paragraphs and remember to connect each paragraph with the previous one.

Each paragraph should have a topic sentence, and supporting and developing sentences.

Use transition words or phrases to connect your ideas. 

COHERENCE AND COHESION IN WRITING

Coherence refers to the logical organisation of your ideas through paragraphing and the logical sequencing of ideas within paragraphs.

Cohesion refers to the organisation of your language, which shows how your sentences are connected and related. These are criteria by which your writing tasks are assessed.

 

Coherence

A number of features make an essay coherent and thus flow smoothly. These features include the following:

          • essay structure – paragraphing

          • paragraph structure

          • transition words and phrases 

 

Essay Structure – Paragraphing

Your ideas need to be logically organised into paragraphs and structured, for example in the following manner:

Introductory Paragraph             • Topic             • Thesis Statement or Statement of Purpose

 

Body Paragraph 1             • Development of Main Idea presented in the Thesis Statement

 

Body Paragraph 2             • Development of Main Idea presented in the Thesis Statement

 

Concluding Paragraph             • Summary             • Recommendation

 

Paragraph Structure

Topic Sentence (TS)

Each paragraph should have one idea which is clearly expressed in a topic sentence. This idea is in support of the thesis statement of the essay presented in your introductory paragraph.

Supporting Sentences (SS)

These sentences support the topic sentence or the main idea of the paragraph.

Developing sentences (DS)

Developing sentences further develop the idea in the supporting sentence by providing an example, a reason or an explanation.

Here is a Writing Task 2 question topic and task.

IELTS Writing Task 2

_________________________________________________________________

The ageing populations of more developed countries are going to cause social and economic problems for society in the future, especially for the younger generation.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

_________________________________________________________________

Here is a sample introduction addressing the question.

Introduction

In the modern world today, people are expected to live longer because of better health care resources, the availability of better quality foods and the higher standards of living. While the changing age structure of society might be problematic, it should not always be viewed as something threatening.

The second sentence in the introductory paragraph gives the thesis statement. The two main arguments are as follows.

BP1	BP2
Agree	Disagree
the changing age structure of society might be problematic	it (the changing age structure of society) should not always be viewed as something threatening

 

These two arguments are developed in body paragraphs in the essay below.

Each main idea is developed in a separate paragraph. The argument is developed logically and the ideas follow a sequence.

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Body Paragraph 1

There is no denying that constraints of time, money and space are placed on modern industrial societies with growing aged populations and declining birth rates. The most obvious would be the costs associated with caring for the elderly, funding their retirement pensions and providing residential care accommodation. Governments cannot be expected to carry this burden alone. They would need to impose additional taxes on the younger population and shift some of the caring responsibilities onto the extended families.

 

This body paragraph is agreeing with the topic. The first sentence in the paragraph – the topic sentence (TS) – states the topic and what the paragraph will be saying about the topic. The supporting (SS) and developing sentences (DS) explain the main idea.

The main idea is developed as follows:

	Sequencing of ideas	Development of main idea
TS	main or controlling idea - reasons	There is no denying that constraints of time, money and space are placed on modern industrial societies with growing aged populations and declining birth rates.
SS1	explanation	The most obvious would be the costs associated with caring for the elderly, funding their retirement pensions and providing residential care accommodation.
DS1.1	statement (opinion)	Governments cannot be expected to carry this burden alone.
DS1.2	Justification (reason)	They would need to impose additional taxes on the younger population and shift some of the caring responsibilities onto the extended families.

 

Transition Words and Phrases

Transition words and phrases are used to link ideas between paragraphs and sentences.

Here are some of the more common transition words and phrases.

Type	Transition Words or Phrases
Addition	in addition, furthermore, moreover, also
Listing	first, first and foremost, firstly, second, secondly, the most important, the most obvious
Similarity	similarly, in the same way, likewise
Contrast	however, in contrast, on the other hand, on the contrary
Example	for example, for instance
Result	therefore, as a result, consequently, hence, thus, accordingly
Emphasis	indeed, in fact, above all
Conclusion	in conclusion, to conclude, in summary, to summarise, in short

 

The second body paragraph (BP2) presents arguments which support the opposite view. The relationship between the two paragraphs is shown using the contrasting transition phrase on the other hand.

Body Paragraph 2

On the other hand, the kinds of valuable contribution which healthy, mobile and enthusiastic retirees can make should not be underestimated. First and foremost, they carry a wealth of skills and work experience. Employers should look to take advantage of this and recruit or even retain mature age workers. Their expertise would be invaluable. Second, seniors being upwardly mobile tend to travel extensively, usually to discover their own country. This can only stimulate the economy. The revenue that would be generated for the hospitality industry by these “grey nomads”, as they are affectionately known, would be significant.

 

The ideas between sentences within the paragraph are connected using the following transition words and phrases.

	Type	Sentence
TS	contrast	On the other hand, the kinds of valuable contribution which healthy, mobile and enthusiastic retirees can make should not be underestimated.
SS1	listing	First and foremost, they carry a wealth of skills and work experience.
DS1.1		Employers should look to take advantage of this and recruit or even retain mature age workers.
DS1.2		Their expertise would be invaluable.
SS2	listing	Second, seniors being upwardly mobile tend to travel extensively, usually to discover their own country.
DS2.1		This can only stimulate the economy.
DS2.2		The revenue that would be generated for the hospitality industry by these “grey nomads”, as they are affectionately known, would be significant.

 

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Cohesion

In addition to the use of transition words and phrases, cohesion can be achieved using the following language devices:

          • reference words and agreement

          • linking

          • synonyms

Reference words point back or refer to words or phrases in previous sentences. They need to agree in number and person with the word or phrase they are replacing.

Here are some of the more common referents.

Language devices	Examples
pronouns
personal, possessive	it, she, his, them, their
demonstrative	this, that, these, those
relative	who, which, that
definite article	the

 

Body paragraph 2 uses a variety of referents which are illustrated below.

Body Paragraph 2
First reference	Later reference
On the other hand, the kinds of valuable contribution which healthy, mobile and enthusiastic retirees can make should not be underestimated.	First and foremost, they carry a wealth of skills and work experience.
agreement: 3rd person plural
First and foremost, they carry a wealth of skills and work experience.	Employers should look to take advantage of this and recruit or even retain mature age workers.
Employers should look to take advantage of this and recruit or even retain mature age workers.	Their expertise would be invaluable.
agreement: possessive plural
Second, seniors being upwardly mobile tend to travel extensively, usually to discover their own country.	This can only stimulate the economy.
Second, seniors being upwardly mobile tend to travel extensively, usually to discover their own country.	The revenue that would be generated for the hospitality industry by these “grey nomads”, as they are affectionately known, would be significant.

 

Linking

Coordinating and subordinating conjunctions and other parts of speech link ideas within and between sentences.

Some of the more common conjunctions are on the following page:

linking ideas	conjunctions		other parts of speech
	coordinating	subordinating
equal ideas	and, both … and		another, as well as
alternative ideas	or, either … or
contrasting ideas	but, yet	although, even though, though, while	despite, in spite of
reasons	for, so	because, as, since	as a result of, because of, due to
condition		if, provided that
subordinating words
referring to humans			who, whom
referring to nonhumans and things			which, that

 

Examples of coordinating and subordinating conjunctions in body paragraph 2 include:

          • linking equal ideas

Employers should look to take advantage of this and recruit or even retain mature age workers.

          • linking alternative ideas

Employers should look to take advantage of this and recruit or even retain mature age workers.

An example using subordination is:

On the other hand, the kinds of valuable contribution which healthy, mobile and enthusiastic retirees can make should not be underestimated.

Synonyms

Using synonyms avoids the repetition of key words and helps the reader to see how the sentences in a paragraph are linked.

In body paragraph 2, the following synonyms are used for aged individuals.

On the other hand, the kinds of valuable contribution which healthy, mobile and enthusiastic retirees can make should not be underestimated. First and foremost, they carry a wealth of skills and work experience. Employers should look to take advantage of this and recruit or even retain mature age workers. Their expertise would be invaluable. Second, seniors being upwardly mobile tend to travel extensively, usually to discover their own country. This can only stimulate the economy. The revenue that would be generated for the hospitality industry by these “grey nomads”, as they are affectionately known, would be significant.

 

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     b) Learning Activities

Practise and consolidate your learning about coherence and cohesion by completing our activities. The answers for all activities are on the last page.

ACTIVITY 1

Complete the blank spaces with one of the transition words or phrases from the box below.

First                Similarly         Overall           For example              In spite of this In my opinion            Consequently           On the contrary        In addition     In fact

1. Vegetarians can get good sources of protein from plants. __________, there are legumes, nuts, seeds and whole grains which all supply high levels of protein.

2. John was not discouraged that he didn’t get the overseas posting.

 ___________, he was determined to work much harder to be successful in the next round.

3. Applying for a job requires some preparation. _________, it is important to update your resume.

4. Bad investments caused the downfall of the company. ____________, there were many job loses.

5. The victims of the tsunami were in desperate need of fresh water.

_________, they urgently needed basic medical supplies.

6. The plane hit some turbulent weather crossing the Atlantic. ___________, we managed to land safely.

7. Did you know there is another Study English series being produced?

__________, it’ll be launched in January.

8. There has been a lot of discussion about his behaviour. ___________, he has been treated unfairly.

9. The renovations to the staff room were quite extensive. ___________, the teachers were satisfied with the results.

10. The monsoon season can bring about disastrous floods because of the heavy rainfall. ___________, the dry phase can also devastate crops.

 

ACTIVITY 2

Join the two halves to form a complete sentence.

	Part 1			Part 2
1	There is a risk of developing dietary deficiencies		A	the reduction in its demand would be a far better solution.
2	I’ll send a text message		B	it is important that all nutritional requirements are met.
3	While reducing the consumption of energy would slow global warming,		C	but by declining birth rates as well.
4	The biggest cost increase for city dwellers is housing		D	when we arrive in Singapore.
5	Though sky diving can be a lot of fun,		E	but on younger generations as well.
6	Modern societies will not only be affected by ageing populations		F	and therefore slow the effects of global warming.
7	Reducing fossil fuel consumption will help reduce greenhouse gases		G	these do not outweigh the fun.
8	While a vegetarian diet can provide many health benefits,		H	if nutritional requirements aren’t met.
9	Although there are risks involved in sky diving,		I	there are risks involved as well.
10	Ageing populations are going to be a financial burden not only on governments		J	which now consumes 15% of peoples’ wages.

 

ACTIVITY 1 ANSWERS

1. For example                                  6. In spite of this

2. On the contrary                            7. In fact

3. First                                                8. In my opinion

4. Consequently                              9. Overall

5. In addition                                     10. Similarly

  

ACTIVITY 2 ANSWERS

1. H                             6. C

2. D                             7. F

3. A                             8. B

4. J                              9. G

5. I                               10. E

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     c) Transcript

Hello, and welcome to Study English, IELTS preparation. I’m Margot Politis.

Today we’ll look at writing an essay on ageing populations and how to organise ideas about it in a paragraph.

Let’s begin by listening to a young woman talking about her grandmother:

She does mainly the cooking and looking after us, you know, making sure that we turn out right, being strict with us. But I think part of her being here, like, allowed us to have respect for like, you know, older people. Yeah, I think from her, I’ve learned a lot – like, the Buddhist belief, how to be a good person, how to be honest and respectable person to everyone around you.

She talked about the valuable contributions an elderly person can make. The grandmother has positively influenced the children, teaching them respect and honesty, and cooking. Let’s see how this sort of positive view about older people is developed in a paragraph as part of an essay.

The paragraph starts with a sentence that establishes the main point:

The valuable contributions that active and healthy aged individuals can make should not be overlooked.

This is called the topic sentence. The main idea is valuable contributions that active and healthy aged individuals can make.

The writer then goes on with two sentences that support the main idea that old people make valuable contributions by saying what the contributions are.

Firstly, these retired people could take on the role of carers for their grandchildren, allowing both parents to work longer hours and save on day care expenses.

Notice the linking word ‘firstly’. It means there will be more than one supporting sentence.

What linking word should follow ‘firstly”?

Secondly, the retirees could volunteer their services as drivers for the very old and sick.

To further develop the supporting ideas, the writer provides an example.

For example, they could deliver meals directly to their homes or assist with transportation to and from specialist appointments or hospital.

The sentence is logically related to what has just been said and linked by ‘for example’. This sentence is called a developing sentence.

How you refer back to things you have just written is an important way of creating a natural flow to your language. The examiners call it cohesion.

You do this with words called referents which help make links within and between sentences and paragraphs:

For instance, look at these sentences:

‘These retired individuals’. ‘These’ refers back to ‘aged individuals’ in the preceding sentence. And ‘their’ grandchildren are the grandchildren of the same ‘aged individuals.

Referents are used all the time and not just in essays. Listen to the way the man in the next clip uses ‘the’ and ‘those’ to refer back:

The car's driven by four inhub motors. And the inhub motors directly drive the four wheels. The power source is the batteries. Those batteries are sort of charged by literally plugging it in at home or by the solar cells.

He doesn’t just repeat himself. He says the car is driven by inhub motors. To say what the motors do, he refers to them again, but as the inhub motors:

The car's driven by four inhub motors. And the inhub motors directly drive the four wheels.

Next he says that the power source is the batteries. He’s already said ‘the’ batteries so he refers to them again as ‘those batteries’:

The power source is the batteries. Those batteries are sort of charged by literally plugging it in at home or by the solar cells.

Using referents helps you avoid using exactly the same words too often.

You can also use synonyms - words that have similar meanings - in much the same way.

Let’s look at our paragraph about aged people again.

'Aged individuals is not repeated in the same form in the paragraph, but as Retired individuals, retirees and in specific roles as carers and drivers.

Using referents and synonyms skilfully is not just for essays. Let’s look at the way synonyms and referents create cohesion and meaning in the next clip on an entirely different topic, the ruined city of Angkor Wat:

Right now we're at Angkor, which is a collection of temples in the north of Cambodia, which, about a thousand years ago, was the centre of a huge empire which stretched across most of South-East Asia. The true significance of the place is that it's probably the world's most amazing collection of religious monuments. What you see here is a scale of engineering and aesthetic beauty and a complexity that isn't really seen at any other collection of monument sites around the world.

First he calls Angkor by its name:

Right now we're at Angkor…

He then refers to it and says what it is:

…which is a collection of temples in the north of Cambodia

Refers again and explains its function:

…which, about a thousand years ago, was the centre of a huge empire which stretched across most of South-East Asia.

He goes on to refer to Angkor again as ‘the place’ and ‘it’, and finds another way of saying ‘collection of temples’: collection of religious monuments:

The true significance of the place is that it's probably the world's most amazing collection of religious monuments.

Now let’s look at coherence. What is coherence?

When writing an essay you need to organise and develop your argument logically using paragraphs, starting with an introduction, 2 or 3 body paragraphs and finishing with a conclusion. There should be a clear transition from one paragraph to the next, linking the ideas between paragraphs. The paragraph we looked at earlier was the first body paragraph of an essay answering this question:

The increasing number of older people will cause economic problems for the young.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

For this sort of essay you have to write about different things in each body paragraph. The first paragraph disagreed - it said what positive things older people contribute. So the next body paragraph has to look at the negative effects of an ageing population. Let’s look at what its opening sentence or topic sentence should be like:

However, the increasing proportion of older people no longer contributing as much tax as younger people will put a strain on the nation’s budget.

Notice that the sentence begins with the word ‘however’. However is a linking word that is used for contrasting. It shows the writer is moving on to develop the other side of the argument.

To recap, you should know how to structure an essay. Using paragraphs correctly in your essay is important. You need an introduction, which gives some background information about the topic, followed by what you are going to write about.

You start the first body paragraph with a topic sentence that establishes the main idea you will write about. You follow this with some supporting sentences that give reasons and provide examples that develop your ideas further.

You do something similar with the next body paragraph, but from the opposite point of view and finish with a conclusion that summarises the main points and makes it clear what you think.

And you should link sentences with transition words.

This gives your essay coherence.

Using referents and synonyms as we’ve seen will help you achieve cohesion.

That’s all for today.

You’ll find more detail about today’s program at our website at: australianetwork.com/studyenglish.

Good luck with your studies.

  

(Nguồn UTS: Insearch and Australia Network)

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